09 February 2007

man, you've got mental problems

I'm currently having an email discussion with a friend in Chicago (codename: D) about a regularly occurring phenomenon in my (and her husband's) life: the inability to purchase underwear. Here is a recap of my inner dialog, taken from an incident that took place last night while shopping at Wal-Mart:
"wait these are $10. how come. oh there's five of them. this is three for $6. wait maybe i don't want white. I want gray. they don't have gray in a three pack. grey is a two pack. wait, it comes with black. i don't want black. oh there's gray over here. those are $5 each. that's too much. this is two for $6. maybe i should just get the white. $10 is too much. but it's five. wait, i don't even want one white t-shirt. i want gray. i don't need five white t-shirts. but three is $6. these are nine. what brand is this? wait. i should get these. i need to leave."

"oh i could use pajama pants. i don't want that material that gets all the static. wait i have a 33 inch waist but the top goes to 38-40. that's gonna be uncomfortable. oh whatever. what color do i want. wait maybe i should just get the pants big. what material is this? why is that old woman behind me hyperventilating? oh i don't want blue. i don't like this green. wait these are $12 and i need t-shirts."

The only way I can alleviate the pressure of buying underwear is to not buy any; after a 5-10 minute inner conversation I'll ask Gina to help me leave the underwear section.

Is it a male-only problem? D says that it works exactly the same way with her husband, and that "needless to say, it drives me up the fucking wall."

My question is this: Does this happen to you? Does it happen to someone you know?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I usually buy 3 packs of Hanes boxers at Wal-Mart. I don't care about he color, as long as the material is good. You have to remember, it's fucking underwear...who cares what is looks like as long as it's crotchless.

Mike said...

So you've got a brand and pack already predetermined before you head to Wal-Mart... and that eliminates the need to comparison shop? aren't you concerned that 5 are a better deal?

(deleted insult where i call you a woman, but then realized in light of my response to your comment, perhaps that would be a bit pot/kettle)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I know the particular kind that I like and they only have them in 3 packs...so I don't need to comparison shop. I don't really care for shopping.