what?

If you're around the age of 30 or so, you may be aware that there is a Transformers movie currently in production. You may also be aware that Bumblebee, who was previously a VW Beetle, is now a Chevy Camaro. This may upset you. If that's the case then it's time to get a grip on your life.

But I'm willing to bet that most folks aren't aware of the massive backstory that goes along with Transformers folklore. For example, consider this tidbit of information from the Optimus Prime entry on Wikipedia:

...the Ark was discovered by the terrorist Cobra Organization, and all the Transformers inside were reformatted into Cobra vehicles remotely controlled by the Televipers. In this storyline Optimus Prime turned into a Cobra HISS tank. In this storyline it was Optimus Prime who was able to get a message to Wheeljack about, alerting GI Joe to where the Cobra base was hidden.

What? GI Joe and Transformers together? That's some sort of childhood supercollision, the type of thing that would happen when all you had were GI Joe guys and all your buddy had were Transformers. These things didn't mix. Optimus Prime doesn't belong on GI Joe aircraft carrier. Snake Eyes doesn't drive Jazz. Lady Jane doesn't have romantic liaisons with Wheeljack (well she does at my house, but I was a weird kid).

In a way, I feel like I was robbed of exciting playtime opportunities. But this reminds me of the weird rules that were set up in the imaginary world of an action figure packed childhood. For example, was Storm Shadow a good guy at your house? Apparently he was in a lot of houses, because in the GI Joe universe he eventually officially made the switch. According to that website, he also "used the Arashikage Mind Set to turn Snake-Eyes into a killing-machine and send him on a mission into Borovia". Impressive stuff.

Reading through all this now, maybe I do remember some of the details. Maybe we weren't as clever as I thought we were. But nowhere in any of these stories do I see any mention of GI Joe Commander Duke being buried in a plastic collector spoon case casket, so that one I keep for myself.

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I found this while doing research for this post. And I thought this post was bad enough.