Here it is two days after the fact, your RSL match report. This is going to be a little more difficult to do this time, because normally I jump around to the other teams' web sites to get players names right; I don't want to do that now for fear of discovering the score.
We're coming to you live from Utah Uters stadium (remember, I can't check my facts) in downtown Salt Lake. RSL have really done a great job with the field this year... the grass appears to be as full and smooth as any I've ever seen. Surely the groundskeepers at Chelsea have RSL's groundskeepers on call. In addition, they've painted a strange design on the field that teaches children to count by tens all the way up to 50. A very commendable effort.
To the game: Any game with Tony Meola is worth watching, that's what I always say. I really shouldn't give Tony a hard time; he did a commendable job for the national team back in the 60's. It's also good to see that Red Bull have come out wearing the best example of what a cool iron-on can do for a white t-shirt. I've had nicer jerseys in rec league indoor, and we weren't even there to play soccer... we were there to get into fistfights.
It's interesting to watch these guys on turf, I can't see Beckham playing in a league with fake grass. I'd imagine it's also difficult to convince foreign teams to come play on your turf field... Hey there's some people sitting in recliners... You don't see that at Old Trafford.
If RSL don't win this game I'm putting a curse on Scott Garlick's mustache... he'll wake up in the middle of the night choking, only to find out it's crawled down his face and around his neck.
Chris Klien just took a shot from the 10... I guess that's a 25 yard shot? Ballouchy looks good early in the game again. He's been a bright spot for the team so far this year.
Ooh, the broadcast team is promising US/Jamaica highlights at halftime. That should be good for negative 90 minutes of the halftime show.
RSL is already more aggressive this game than they've been in the past two games. I think this might be the first corner kick in team history. Andy Williams with the kick, if you're wanting to keep track for trivia later.
Alot alot alot more creativity out of RSL this game. I wonder if it's the turf field or the home crowd or the the hippies drumming. I saw you, hippies. I know what you're up to. RSL might consider changing their slogan to "REAL SALT LAKE: PUFF PUFF HEEL PASS." Well I thought it was clever.
Have I mentioned how svelte Scott Garlick is?
Is it "Darby" or "Derby"? They're talking about Chivas/Galaxy and I swear they're saying "Darby". Is it really darby?
I think if my name was Edsun Buddle I'd just drop the Buddle part. Then I'd tell everyone I was Brazilian. That's surely a solid strategy to pick up Brazilian women.
If you thought my notes were rough last week, tune in this week!
Watching these teams play on turf is sort of scary. I keep expecting guys' legs to explode. You can kind of see why RSL isn't normally that patient in midfield... the turf field doesn't really play that way. Everything is very quick and everything ends up being a long ball because the ball doesn't slow down.
Jeff Cunningham was just robbed by Tony Meola. Meola should have been carded, he blocked the shot with his walker.
HALFTIME! hmm.
Mo Johnston needs a drink. I don't know anything about Mo Johnston, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.
This half's notes are sparse. Meola just tackled Andy Williams, I think. That wasn't very nice. I bet Tony's got that pool from Cocoon at his house. After the game he's going breakdancing.
Now Jason Kreis is on. RSL has like 14 of Major League Soccer's top 20 all-time scorers, but none of them appear to be too interested in scoring this year. This is going to end up 0-0, isn't it? RSL has had 49 shots to Red Bulls' 3.
AND... Guevara just scored. Same defensive breakdown by the center of RSL's defense that they've been showcasing for the last two games... this was the first time it happened this game and it cost them. They don't deserve this. It isn't fair. I'm putting Go Go's curse on hold.
10 minutes left... let's see what they've got left.
Meola just broke his hip. It was a nice career, but that's what you get when you're using robot legs to support a 327 year old body. Nevermind, he's ok. Behold the power of Meatballs.
JASON KREIS! It's his 93918th career goal off a header from the free kick. Scott Garlick's mustache just ran down the field and punched Tony Meola in the balls.
And now it's end to end and Klien just missed a prime opportunity and now it's a 1-1 final and I'm ok with that because I am aware of the awesome powers of Tony Meola and a point is a point.
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