don't be a honker

My cat decided that I should be awake at 6 AM this morning, which I took as a sign that someone wanted me to ride my bike to work. But I also had a feeling that it was a bad idea and that someone was going to run me over. Luckily enough, I wasn't run over (but there's still hope for the ride home).

The ride in is a twelve mile jaunt up Bluff from Southport Road, and I've been fortunate enough that I generally make the trip without any problems. Usually the worst thing that happens is someone thinks it's a good idea to honk and let me know they're behind me. Either that or they honk to let me know they're an asshole. In any case, it's usually good for scaring the hell out me. My guess is that they're just exercising that Hoosier Hospitality I heard so much about when I moved here. (I'm not really that upset about it. I'm not really that upset about anything.)

I've always thought that it was common knowledge that persons on bicycles had the same rights as anyone else on the road, but perhaps I'm wrong. Here's this (the whole thing is here):

Indiana Code 9-21-11
Riding on roadways; rights and duties
Sec. 2. A person riding a bicycle upon a roadway has all the rights and duties under this article that are applicable to a person who drives a vehicles, except the following:
(1) Special regulations of this article.
(2) Those provision of this article that by their nature have no application.

It then goes on to talk about how you're only allowed one person on a bike, you've got to ride to the right, you've got to have a light, and a bell, etc. I don't have a bell, which means I'm an outlaw. I think the most important thing for people to know is that I'm not only allowed to be in the lane, that's where I'm supposed to be. (Not on the sidewalk, where some motorists like to tell bicyclist to go.)

A person who operates a bicycle on a sidewalk or greenway in the city shall do so only in the following manner;
The bicycle shall not be operated at a speed, or in any manner, which constitutes a threat to the safety of either the bicycle operator or other persons, or diminishes or impairs the free use of the sidewalk or greenway by other persons.

I'm pretty sure that a collision with a pedestrian at 20 mph constitutes a threat to me and the other person.

Anyway, this might be coming off as a rant, and I don't mean it that way. I'm also not trying to be self-righteous. But I can't help but be a little jealous of folks living in Portland, where an unbelievable ten percent of residents commute to work via bike path. Ah... utopia.

When are they supposed to have construction finished on the south leg of the White River trail? I'm sure it's a start to a healthier Indy; we're just like Portland.

blondes in league with satan

the cardigans - overload
the cardigans - iron man

As I made my morning commute, I once again tuned my ipod to The Cardigans' "Super Extra Gravity", which has become one of my favorite albums. It's an amazingly consistent album as well.

But besides the track "I need some fine wine and you, you need to be nicer" which I posted a while back, I haven't really paid too much attention to the lyrics. But this morning I did, and discovered the secret Satanic agenda behind the track "Overload":

overload, oh what a match we are!
as we romance along
towards the firescape
open fire
forever in your arms
splendid time we have
doing what i dread
oh my lord
can i buy some time
i'm learning to dance
dum-ditty-dance
i'm dancing, ok?

overlord, lord of the underworld
full-of-wonder-girl
as we twist and twirl
hot and dry
high in my cloven heels
this is how real love feels
as we prance and die
oh my lord
such a fancy fire
as we dance
you sure can dance
dance dance
you i will never forget
i hope you'll remember me later
we're swimming in a puddle of sweat
i'm hot baby, don't burn your fingers
i'm tenderly served on your plate
the band must continue to play
so we can dance
i love to dance, baby dance with me
yeah, i can dance
to love is to dance
now dance me home

I suppose it's not really all that secret when it's right there in the lyrics. We should expect this sort of thing from a band that covered Iron Man, anyway. Of course, this makes me like the band even more. I mean, who isn't into impossibly cute Satanic blondes?

this really speaks for itself

more things that aren't good for you

If you visit your local Indianapolis Qdoba, you may notice a sign in the window that notes that Qdoba was voted "Best Healthy Food" (or something along those lines) by the readers of Nuvo (Or was it Intake? It doesn't really matter) once upon a time.

It's entirely possible that my version of healthy is a little more extreme than what most people consider healthy, but it's also entirely possible that people really have no idea what they're eating. Because I like to think I'm smarter than everyone else, I'm going to go with the second assumption. I'm also miserable because of a lack of lunch choices to fit my diet, so I like to ruin things for everyone else as well.

I've found that you can never trust food on looks alone. Let's try on a Qdoba burrito.

Selected Items: 13" Flour Tortilla, Cilantro Lime Rice, Black Beans, Chicken, Corn Salsa

Doesn't look too bad, does it? There's nothing there that screams "head for the treadmill". But if we dig a bit deeper, you might be surprised.

I'll start from the bottom: The 13" Flour Tortilla. Finding a low-fat tortillas can be tricky, and I know from shopping around at Kroger that they sometimes have more fat than you'd expect. But let's just pick an average tortilla.

A Mission Foods 8" flour tortilla has 147 calories and 3.06 grams of fat (0.6 saturated). If we stretch that out to 13", we get just 238 calories and about 5 grams of fat (1 saturated).

The numbers for Qdoba's tortilla? 330 calories and 8 grams of fat (3 saturated). You've already broken Jared's 6 grams of fat or less rule, and all you're eating is an empty tortilla.

Next up, Cilantro Lime Rice. A cup of white rice should contain about 1 to 4 grams of fat, depending on what you're cooking it with. According to Uncle Ben's, a cup (4.9 oz) of white rice has 230 calories and 3.5 grams of fat (0 saturated). Reduced down to Qdoba's portion size, that's 188 calories and 2.85 grams of fat (0 saturated).

Qdoba's rice: 4 oz, 220 calories, 5 grams of fat (1 saturated).

I can keep going with this, but no one wants to read all that. Instead I'll just give you the grand totals for the burrito:

940 calories and 24 grams of fat (6 saturated)

What could you have eaten instead? How about KFC's 3 piece crispy strip meal with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy? Here are the numbers for that fine example of healthy eating:

530 calories and 29 grams of fat (6 saturated)

Sure, it's 5 more grams of fat, but you're saving 410 calories. That's a trade I'm willing to make.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't just about destroying everything you know and love. It's also a cry for help. What are you eating for lunch?

(Before you say anything, keep in mind I'm going to look it up.)

that's a sexy pizza

Perhaps I've never noticed before, but has Pizza Express always been this sexy? I walked by the their Indiana Avenue location (in Lockfield Commons) yesterday and noticed two t-shirts that (I'm not ashamed to say) pepped up my pepperoni.

Ok, that didn't happen, and I'm sorry I just wrote it. But not enough to delete it...

Anyway, shirt #1, for a female, read:

There's Magic In My Box
PIZZA EXPRESS
And shirt #2:
Our Small Is 10 Inches
PIZZA EXPRESS

Not to mention their slogan seems to be "Do You Get It Every Night?".

All in all, it must be pretty clever marketing. After all, I'm writing about it. Maybe it is time to make pizza sexy. I'll write a slogan for Bazbeaux.

Covered In Things That You Normally Wouldn't Put In Your Mouth
But So Tasty You'll Do It Anyway
BAZBEAUX PIZZA


Well, maybe not.

if you weren't aware, you are now

Although I'm nowhere near an expert, there's something I think I need to address here. It's Snakes On A Plane. If somehow you've missed out on the Snakes On A Plane phenomenon, let me get you up to date (remember, I am NOT an expert).

Someone writes a script about snakes on a plane. Yes, this was once a Saturday Night Live sketch. But now it's a movie. Samuel L Jackson signs on. There is talk of changing the name of the film to something stupid like "Flight 347", but by this point the title has been leaked to the internet, and people are going crazy for a film called Snakes On A Plane, so it's too late to change anything. People also start to wonder if it's all a hoax. It's not, of course. In fact, here's Samuel L Jackson discussing the film on Ellen:



And here's what might be the trailer (and this is fantastic):



And of course there's an official website and the blog linked to a bunch of songs created by a messageboard about Snake On A Plane and then there's the Snakes Flying A Plane t-shirt, or just an S on a P t-shirt... stay tuned for novelty condoms.

You've got to wonder how this movie is going to do once it's released. I can't imagine that it'll last longer than a week in any theater. But then again, some snakes have legs (and sequels).

Stay tuned for Snakes On A Rickshaw.

black lands taken from your hands, by vampires with no remorse

Looks like someone isn't getting enough candy. A seven year old poet named Autum Ashante upset everyone that ever lived in New York with her work "White Nationalism Put U in Bondage."

Looking through the words they've posted in the article, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed because I think it's entirely possible that this seven year old girl is smarter than I am. She speaks "several languages"! She writes poetry! She's home schooled!

Autum's father had this to say: "She's a little girl who does poetry about real things. She doesn't do poetry about cotton candy," Ashante said. "She's a serious little person."

See? She doesn't do poetry about cotton candy. Probably because she's never had it.

I'm back

My Arizona vacation was underwhelming because of rain (and snow, actually) but I'll probably go back. Now I need to get back into the flow of Indiana life.

I'm reconsidering posting mp3s in light of this news story. "Get sued" isn't anywhere in my list of things to do before I die.

"Bike Cuba" is in that list...

it's cold here