Dear Fellow Bloggers

You're all slacking. Some of you haven't updated in weeks. And I'm going to delete you from my link list, because despite the fact that I once enjoyed reading your work, you've slacked off and must be punished. So get with the program or say goodbye to one hit per day!

(Maniacal laughing ensues)

New Fulham Kit..

I told you Fulham were going with Nike... Here's what appears to be next year's uniform. I know you were worried.

Classy! Plain!

Thanks, Craven Cottage Newsround.

more

So we're in Chicago, driving around with the top down, down Lakeshore until it stops and then back up some street and then we're in the middle of some district with "celebrate diversity" banners and rainbows everywhere, and it goes on like this for miles and miles and i just thought "i had no idea there could be so many gay people in one place"... not good or bad, but really i was just completely ignorant of it.

So now I'm on to you, gay people.

*

Somehow this post leads right into the previous one.

It's raining shoes

I didn't intend it, but the title of this post reminded me of performing "It's Raining Men" in a Hiroshima Karaoke booth, with James the Ire. You had to be there, I'm sure. Good memories...

Well, I made it to IU's Dental school, where a young lady had the pleasure of having me as her guinea pig. She was nice enough, and I feel ok in her hands - her much much more affordable hands.

But... during the appointment she took my blood pressure, which came up as 120/90. I believe 120/80 is a more appropriate number, especially for a guy who has ridden 600 miles on a bicycle in the month of May. Due to the 120/90 number, I've got to go see a doctor and get my pressure back to a more normal level. I'm super fucking pissed about it.

None of this could possibly be my fault, mind you, so I called my mom to blame her for it. But wouldn't you know... sometimes it's just hard to yell at your mom. So instead I'm just going to have to deal with it.

So far I've addressed the problem by eating hot dogs and pizza. I'm climbing that mountain. Oh, I had some beer too.

I think I'll call the doctor now.

* * * * *

Oh, and I'm sticking with RSL. Fuck it... these are my losers.

MLS ACTION: IT'S.... Ok if you know what to watch for.

Gina and I just got back from a trip up to Chicago for a MLS game between your RSL Tiemasters versus The Chicago Smolder.

Despite the zero zero score, I had a good time. Toyota Park, Chicago's purpose built MLS stadium, is a fantastic facility - a facility that doesn't sell Fire merchandise, somehow, but a fantastic facility nonetheless.

It's true - I walked around the entire building looking to buy something to commemorate my trip up for the game, and found not one merch booth. I'm not sure why... maybe they're waiting until the team starts winning again. I don't know.

While we were up in Chicago we took the opportunity to drive around downtown with the top down on the mx-5. All you really need for a good time is a big city and a convertible.

Tomorrow the HBG's are meeting with a staffer from InTake (one of Indy's entertainment papers, kinda like St. Louis' Get Out in that it's put together by the big local paper, the Indy Star...) to discuss summer beers. I think. Should be fun.

I cut my hair. What else...

Mowed my lawn. Saw some frogs in the yard.

The Color Purple is on Oprah's channel right now. I feel like Danny Glover.

Go Cougs

Back when I was in college, which still wasn't so long ago, we were required to take a COBOL programming class. This made no sense to anyone, because COBOL wasn't used anywhere. But it probably served as a nice primer for me, since I'm programming in a different dead language now, BASIC. Or Pick/BASIC.

As an aside: check out all the jobs on monster for PICK programmers!!!)

Today, as I was reading an article about the top 10 dead (or dying) computer skills, I came across this nugget:

...you can actually learn Cobol at Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville, which according to Mary Sumner, a professor there, still offers a Cobol course. "Two of the major employers in the area still use Cobol, and for many of their entry-level jobs, they want to see that on the transcript," she says. "Until that changes, we'd be doing the students a disservice by not offering it."

A disservice? A disservice is requiring a dead language when the world's going crazy over Java or ASP or god know what (I'm completely out of that loop), and not offering one Web based programming class at all. I've been fucking disserviced.

Anyway, I thought my friends Dave and Mark would enjoy the link... you guys had COBOL, right?

Here's another COBOL story. No SIUE in this one though.

Re-evaulating RSL (and a sprawling gigantic mess of everything else)

Ok, so I'm probably not jumping ship yet...

Maybe the Eskandarian/Cunningham trade is going to be good for the team. At least they're attempting to do something, which is probably better than watching the same team trot out and lose every week.

So.

Yup.

* * * * *

Now this:

May Rides 17 Distance (miles) 527.48 Average Speed (mph) 16.00 Calories Burned 24,290

The local bike club (to which I don't belong), CIBA, has a 500 miles in May goal to coincide with the race... Well I'm gonna kill that goal. I'm not happy with my average speed.. that could use some improvement.

How many miles have you ridden?

To lose a pound, you need to burn 3500 calories than you consume... which means that theoretically, I should be down 6.94 pounds... though I don't always track calories when I ride. I'm actually pretty close to that on the weight loss. Hmm.

Hoping to hit 170 or less this summer. We'll see how it goes. When it gets cold again I'm hiring a trainer. That should be exciting. Or deadly. I'm still carrying a really high body fat percentage. Like 23% or something.

YAY! BEER TONIGHT!

* * * * *

Went to IU Dental School for my initial checkup diagnosis thing, looks like it's gonna be quite a bit easier on my budget than my original $8000 estimate. So good. I can spend more money on bike stuff.

*

Just received Old Joy on dvd. It's a movie I'd like to share with my camping/hiking friends, but I fear they'll just say it's boring. Anyway.

*

New Queens of the Stone Age leaked. Sounds pretty good at low work-level volume. They're playing a show in Indy... two tickets would be like $90. But QOTSA have released nothing but great albums, in my opinion, so maybe it's worth the money. I dunno. Kickin' it around. I dig em.

*

Anybody read The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle? That just showed up too.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

Sunday is perhaps the most important day in the short history of Real Salt Lake. "Why?" you might ask...

Well, because Sunday Gina and I are driving up to Chicago for this year's Fire/RSL match. RSL is currently in dead last place...

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK.

So I go over to RSL's website to confirm their record (0 wins, 3 losses, 4 ties) and find out that they've traded Jeff Cunningham. The Jeff Cunningham who was the sole reason the team scored any goals last year. Steve's guy, Jeff Cunningham.

You know what? This fucking team....

If they don't win in Chicago I'm looking for someone else to root for. I know that's like a high crime for a sports fan... but seriously? They're horrible. And they just traded away the only guy who's interested in scoring. For a guy that wears headgear.

Goddamn it. Jeff Cunningham was not the problem.

It's no Camaro RS

Sometimes your friends do really quite alright in life; maybe they buy a big ol' house or a benz or something... and then sometimes friends buy something like this...

Jim called me Saturday to ask if I had spoken to Jason recently. I said "yeah here and there..." and he said "did he mention a Ferrari?"

Why?

"Here I am sitting in a fertilizer truck (Jim works at the Trenton Co-op) and I swear he just drove by me in a Ferrari."

Hmm.

As it turns out, Jason does indeed own a Ferrari.

I told Jason, "you know, when you buy a Ferrari, it's ok to call and tell your friends."

So congrats to Jason.

I own a LeMond bicycle

Three cheers for professional cycling!

Post

I'd like to draw your attention to someecards.com, a source for whatever sort of email card you'd like to send to whomever.

Hey! I still ride a bike.

A lot of tasty discussion going on over at IndyStar because of a letter to the editor titled If a Monon biker hits me, I'm filing a lawsuit.

While I'll admit that I've rode decently fast on the Monon before, I'd like to think I'm not sneaking up on anyone just to run them over. Once I scared a lady with a dog. Cyclist shouldn't be flying down the trail, she's got a point... but going as far as stating that she'd sue everyone under the sun might be taking it a bit too far.

I also find it hard to believe that she and her 8 month pregnant daughter we knocked over by cyclists without the cyclist being jumped and beaten to death... I guess no one else was on the trail?

Anyway... bad apples, right?

YOUR MOM.

Go read Hoosier Beer Geek.

I may be killed for this post

In case you missed it, the current header of the blog reads "Bike Ramp Over A Cheeseburger Stand Franeytown, OK". Franeytown doesn't exist, and if it did, it would probably be in Colorado. Franeytown is actually a figment of my imagination, inspired by a friend - Mr. Jim Franey.

I've taken quite a few vacations with Mr. Franey; all of them out west. The usual vacation crew these days consists of myself, Franey, Dave, and Brent (Hello, Stalker). Often on these vacations someone will bring up the question of why we all bother to live in the plains states - a question we cannot answer.

After researching parks to visit on our last westward vacation, I struck upon the idea of having our own settlement... it all happened in an email to the group:

Anyway, I know there's plenty of national park options, but i thought i'd throw that out there too. i guess we all need to figure out why we're living in the middle of nowhere, when it's obvious that everything cool is out west. let's all migrate, and maybe start our own town, and we'll call it Franeytown, and I get to be the Attorney General, or something, and we'll all get city vehicles to drive, and maybe our town logo could be a bear riding a buffalo, or something cool like that. i want a chevy lumina with a bear riding a buffalo crest on the side. and a siren. and maybe a flashing blue light.

we need a motto too, if you guys get any ideas.

Dave had a motto idea immediately:

How about Franeytown - 50% of us try to pee on the floor.

That's another story... Franey responded:

I'm just gonna warn you a-holes that I may piss on the floor in our Vegas hotel. If there is no toilet paper in the morning then please do not ask any questions. Unless the restroom is carpeted then I will not be using the tp. Apparently, all of you have forgotten that it is now cool to piss on the floor. I've started a new american past time that is sure to replace baseball.

President
Franeytown

Later, Dave and I were trying to figure out where to go on vacation next, which lead to this conversation:

Anyway, I thought it was cool. Unfortunately they don't have any stops in Franeytown, but that's just because we haven't built the worlds largest bike ramp that goes over a cheeseburger stand yet. Or whatever other attractions you think will be good for Franeytown... we've got to make money somehow. Maybe a place where you can shoot paintballs at old ladies or something. Or a place where you can push old ladies in wagons down the worlds largest bike ramp that goes over a cheeseburger stand and then try to shoot them with paintballs... kinda like skeet shooting except with old ladies and wagons and cheeseburgers.

I'll put that on the agenda for the first townhall meeting, if that's ok with you guys.

Mike

Dave's Response:

Excellent idea for the attraction but we could go even grander! Franeytown 2: The country.

I've started making arrangements

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_300.html

and my final response:

I'm ok with this, as long as we claim that restaurant on the katy trail as part of franeytown country. Franeytown Country is a bad name for a country... I suggest "The Conderation of Franey-Inspired Localities"

Then we'll all get our own towns and localities, like mine: Bitten-In-Half, Crawfish.

Call John Cougar, we're gonna need a song to inspire the locals.

A bit later, when we were headed out to Vegas, I decided to print up some Franeytown City Council T-Shirts. I thought it would be a fantastic way to unleash some pent-up Franey-Fury.

Then I didn't bother with the T-shirts. There are some designs out there, though.

* * * * *

This isn't the first time my friends and I have conspired to create our own locality - perhaps later I'll write about the underground trailer guarded by pandas. Or the Canyons and apache helicopters. Or the time we jumped our Burros off Red Rock Canyon.

Now what.

Ok, the Premiership is basically over now, and MLS is in full swing - but I don't watch enough MLS to sustain a blog. Instead, I'll fill the blog with links or something.

I'm all over the map. Here it goes:

Links stolen directly from Inhabit:

The first project as a result of the Masdar Initiative is a new 6 million square meter sustainable development that uses the traditional planning principals of a walled city, together with existing technologies, to achieve a zero carbon and zero waste community. (link)

I like the idea of sustainable cities. I also really like my car. But if it ever came to getting rid of cars completely... well, as long as we have high speed rail (or something along those lines), I'm ok with it. Japan's network of trains really sold me on the idea.

We'll still need roads for bicycles.

And how about this as a different idea for One Indiana Square?

CFS celebrates the completion of the iconic Co-operative Insurance Solar Tower that it hopes will act as a timely reminder of the need to tackle climate change.

The work to cover the 400 ft service tower of the landmark building in the centre of Manchester is now complete and all 7,000 photovoltaic panels are feeding electricity into the building.

The solar panels will create 181,000 units of renewable electricity each year - equivalent to the energy needed to power 55 homes for a year. (link)

I bought a gas mower a month ago - I could have bought a manual push mower, but let's be realistic.

I'm all for everyone else being environmentally conscious, though.

From Non-Profit Dad:

The Toolbox contains some helpful information directed at new fathers, and is distributed to them while still in the hospital after delivery. We came up with this program for two reasons. First, as any of you know who have had babies recently, the information given to new parents after birth is targeted solely to the new mother. No hospital in the area is giving anything to the new dad when he is in greatest need of information. So we decided that we would. (link)

Chris (the author) is a fellow Hoosier Beer Geek... so we've just met a few months ago. His work (the work of Dad's Inc.) is pretty inspiring, really. Not inspiring enough to get me off my ass and involved, but it's pretty cool to know someone doing something so good for the community.

From Notcot:

Invotis is selling all sorts of odd and/or creative products... I particularly like the dog-shaped briefcase... but I thought it was just a dog-shaped dog carrier. I suppose it could be, if you cut some air holes in it.

Last but certainly not least, Hoosier Beer Geek is having a contest. Or not.

In order to win a calendar, we want you to share your Food/Beer stories - perhaps a story of an odd pairing, something that went horribly wrong, or maybe something that went surprisingly right. To be honest, we don't even care if it's your story. Just leave your name (any name you choose is fine) and story in the comments for this post, and at the next roundtable we'll pick our favorites.

You already knew about that though, because I tried to harass everyone I know about submitting something. And how many submissions did we get? Zero. Awesome.

I could keep going, but I won't.

As Paul Harvey says, "Good Day!"

F Paul Harvey.

the weekend

Friday, Gina and I went to Brugge for dinner - I can't say enough about Ted's beers... the guy just gets it completely right every time. I haven't had anything ever remotely questionable out of a Brugge tap. Everything is just dead on.

Saturday I decided to Tivo the Fulham match and get a bike ride in. My friend and I did 56 miles north of Eagle Creek Park. It was alright.

Then I got home and watched Fulham - expecting a loss, because that's just the way things have gone lately. Liverpool played a bunch of guys I've never seen before... Clint Dempsey didn't start (a mistake, I thought), and the game dragged on and on in the Fulhamish tie/loss sort of way. Then this:



I jumped off the couch, screaming, accidentally kicking a plate of General Tsao's chicken off the living room table and all over the carpet. Gina was nice enough to clean it up for me.

What a way to start your EPL goalscoring, though - A game winner that keeps Fulham from being relegated.

Gina and I then got in the convertible and headed out to get lost, which we did for a while, but eventually we ended up somewhere south of Bloomington, where we ate at a random roadside restaurant. It was good, I had the salsa/talapia.

I did not watch RSL, because it was on a channel I don't get. Even though I'm paying for the DirectKick package. They tied 3-3. A surprise.

Sunday Gina and I rode 43 miles - She didn't seem to like it.

I now have a really wonderful sunburn.

Yuck.

So the reason I became a Real Salt Lake fan (aside from the play of Mehdi Ballouchy) has left RSL... Steve Pastorino has resigned. Although the results as of late have been pretty much horrible, I can't say I ever expected this.

Steve's a quality guy, and I'm sure he'll land on his feet somewhere better. But I feel for him today. Good luck, Steve.

RSL Loses

Instead of ranting about the game, a 2-0 loss, I'm going to complain about other things I see in soccer games and broadcasts that drive me nuts.

1) "The Mixer" - I've been alive 31 years, and in 29 of those years I've never heard the 18 yard box called "the mixer". Last summer Dave O'Brien, a clueless (though well intentioned) hack announcer gets the World Cup gig, starts calling the 18 yard box "the mixer" (because I'm sure he has no idea that it's 18 yards), and now EVERYONE is calling the 18 yard box "the mixer". IT'S THE 18 YARD BOX.

GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE MIXER.

2) If you've got a free kick, and can put the ball into the 18 YARD BOX, why are you making an extra pass to get it there? Same thing with corner kicks... the short corner kick is a fucking waste. DON'T THROW AWAY OPPORTUNITIES.

3) If you play cautious formations, like the 4-5-1, and you don't have Thierry Henry sitting up top, you're going to end up losing. Because 1 striker never scores when he's playing four fullbacks. Unless he gets lucky.

4) If you're up by a goal with 30 minutes left in the game, and you sit everyone back and play in a shell, you're going to end up in a tie or loss. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. No one wins by playing half-assed.

OH FUCK IT.

RSL has the undefeated NY Red Bulls next, and at some point you just have to say "well this isn't fucking working". 4-5-1? Sure the midfield is having fun. Freddy Adu can run by guys all day. Mehdi Ballouchy is all over the place, but isn't going to work as the up midfielder, because he won't shoot, or can't create his own shots. I know the defense was a mess last year, but they were a lot better in the second half of the year... the team was the best team in the second half. So why not build on that? Why change it up? Why are they playing a 4-5-1?

I just think they're too loyal to their guys. Sure, Jason Kreis has a million goals, but that was 5 years ago. Carey Talley is a nice guy, but someone's gotta sit. It's time to do something different. It ain't working.

This RSL team reminds me every team I ever played on... things not going your way? Foul and bitch at the referee. I don't like it when I'm playing, and I don't like watching it on tv.

Ruined

I have a horrible memory. Most of my childhood, high school, college... all just a blur, really. I wish that I had some really great drug use stories to account for the memory loss, but unfortunately I don't. Unless I don't remember them.

The memories I do have are generally of things that annoyed me. I can remember the chlorine-like smell of the trees on west second street on the way to my grandmother's old house. I have a very distinct memory of my last game at old Busch Stadium in St. Louis - of a man sitting in front of me making a "three up, three down" hand signal at the end of innings, and the way the crowd around him slowly took up his cheer. Now everytime I watch baseball and the announcer says "three up, three down" I think of him. I'd like to murder him.

And I just forgot what this post was going to be about.

Oh wait.

If you look at the way the title of this blog is labeled in your web browser, you'll see the words "this is salsa music". Why? It's because of another strange thing that I can't forget.

Last New Year's Gina and I attended a party. Like most parties, we knew some of the people, and others we didn't. As the night wore on, there was a slight argument over the music - but eventually the mix came up to a track of Latin music. This sent one of the guests into a state of what I can only call amazed-disbelief.

"Is this SALSA music!?!?" she said. No one answered. It wasn't as if she didn't approve; It was more like she couldn't believe someone had the ability to produce this music through a pair of speakers. Her level of amazement would be only matched by someone who was seeing flight for the first time.

As the song played on, she began to dance. She complimented the other dancers, but kept saying aloud "THIS IS SALSA MUSIC!"

"This is SALLLLLSAAAAA MUSIC!"

It is.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are floating in bbq sauce

I'm working on titles that actually make sense... maybe next time.

So Fulham lost yesterday - no surprises there - but they played with more spirit than we've seen in a while. Part of this was due to the spark that was Clint Dempsey, who came on in the second half and actually looked creative and energetic. So there's that.

Although I'm still coughing a bit, after watching a bit of the Versus network cycling coverage yesterday I couldn't keep off the bike. It had been over a week, and there's really no excuse for that. It really is easier to just sit around and watch television.

But after you get back in the swing of things, you start to crave it. I haven't gotten there yet this year, and it's almost frightening. I remember what happens when I don't exercise. So somehow I've got to find that mojo back.

I bought an Ipod mini a couple weeks ago with the intent of getting into that Nike+ thing (which is some sort of running software that works on Ipod), but so far I've just not done anything. I've got a nice car for nice days - why bother putting the work in myself?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to not doing anything this weekend. Not doing anything meaning I won't have to drive back to Illinois (it's been 3 times in the past four weeks), and I can get on a bike and waste a day. Now if the wind will just settle down..

RSL's on tonight. I don't know what to think.

Oh, called IU Dental School. IT'S JUST MY MOUTH.

I'M A WALKING LIGHTNING

Hey kids. I've just completely revamped the design over at Hoosier Beer Geek, and it's really quite possibly some of my best work. Maybe. Anyway, check it out. I'll give you a hug.

hardy. har har.

not really worksafe...

I was a horrible student

Another option I have in lieu of paying a regular dentist $8000+ for dental work is to use the IU Dental School option. My friendly dental hygentist suggested this option, where the costs will come in at roughly one-fourth the costs I'd pay for someone with a degree to do the work. That's only $2000, which means I won't spend the next two years paying for it, the whole while thinking about how great a bicycle I could have bought for $8000 (probably the best bicycle ever, I'd guess).

But the work would be done by an IU Med School student... Which seems a bit risky. Still.. $6000? Anyone have any experience with the IU Dental School? I know that I can count on half-day appointments - I'm ok with that, we own a PSP and a Nintendo DS and several magazines. Anything else I need to worry about? I mean other than having some kid tear the nerves out of my mouth?

* * * * *

I'm rockin' a cold right now, so no exercise. I'm about to write off the whole year as SUCK.

My soul's a bowl of jokes

Remember several months ago when I wrote about seeing a new dentist? Well I finally made it there today. Here are some notes:

LL Perio scale&root pln-4+per quad
LR Perio scale&root pln-4+per quad
UR Perio scale&root pln-1-3th quad
UL Perio scale&root pln-1-3th quad
Periodontal Maint
2 Resin composite-1s, posterior
3 Crown buildup, includ any pins
3 Crown-porc fuse high noble mtl
12 Resin composite-1s, posterior....

BLAH BLAH BLAH $8,348.00

Let this be a lesson to you - don't have teeth.

I've cancelled this year's vacation plans - and I'm ok with that. I should have had this taken care of a long time ago. And so I will. Not that I have $8000 - That I'll have to figure out.

I guess the only question I have is if I'm going to have $8000 in work done, at least get some diamonds worked in?

oh yeah, that.

You might be wondering how RSL's season has started this year... RSL currently are 0-1-2, and sitting in last place. They've become the team I'm most attached to, which makes things all that much more worse. I actually just paid $5 to watch crappy online video of the game against Chivas USA - and then the feed didn't work for the first 20 minutes of the game. When it finally did work, the score was already 2-0.

There's nothing worse than feeling like an idiot for sitting at home watching soccer online on a Saturday night - unless the soccer you paid to see doesn't work. Then you just cuss at the computer.

I called for a refund but they basically told me to get a life.

As for Fulham, no game on tv this week, which didn't matter because I'm in Illinois for the funerals. And Fulham tied, which means they've got to beat Arsenal or Liverpool in the coming weeks, or there's a REALLY good chance they're getting relegated.

Looking for a Premiership team to root for next year...

Trying to figure out what I've gotten myself into with RSL...

Crap weekend.