Franeytown + 1

This weekend I'll be headed back to the wonderful and charming Trenton, Illinois area for what is sure to be the second wedding event of the summer, when James and Sarah get married and another Franey is added to the mix. Too many Franeys is never a bad thing - it helps with the Franeytown tax base - soon we will be able to afford my official city Chevy Lumina (the one with the golden hawk riding atop a flaming bear (not a homosexual joke) or whatever).

Then late Saturday evening Gina and I will head back to Indy, because Sunday we're going to a'brewin' (one word) and I've gotta work that around Chelsea/Man U @ 11 AM. Yar.

Went to Brugge last night. Hmm. Nothin' doin' here.

Also, did you know that I run every other day now? It's true. I haven't said much about it because I wasn't sure I'd stick with it, but I'm starting to learn to enjoy it so I think it's safe to mention. I'm on this training program. I'm due to start week 5 today. That may get delayed a bit.

I've got proper fitted shoes and everything. The folks at Gray Goat must love my consistent outpouring of dollars. Hi Jason. I know a lot of Jasons.

I'm using the Nike+ thing (which we've rigged to work with my Asics shoes) and almost every time I get an encouraging post-workout message from someone truly inspirational, such as Lance Armstrong, who says stuff like "way to go you just completed your longest workout yet". Sometimes it's a gal, but I'm not sure who she is because I missed her saying her name. That's not very inspirational at all. Nike + is kinda cool though, because it logs how far I've gone and pace and all of that, and I don't have to bother typing things out like I do when I log bike miles on bikejournal.com (99 rides this year, 2,610.25 miles, 17.29 mph avg).

I'm a bit embarrassed that my mileage and speeds are that low.

So yeah. I'm riding to work as much as my sleep schedule will let me (23 miles round trip), running, and eating a ton of crap and not losing any weight whatsoever (185 seems to be where I'm stuck.)

Wow this was rambling. I'm gonna hire a trainer after the year rolls over, I think. That's expensive. Anyway. I've got what I'd call a "fat jacket" on my torso that I'm trying to destroy. I wonder if I'm sorta getting too old and I'm supposed to have a fat jacket. F you, fat jacket.

I find this thrilling

I am solely responsible for all Google results for the word "Franeytown".

See?

I may be killed for this post

In case you missed it, the current header of the blog reads "Bike Ramp Over A Cheeseburger Stand Franeytown, OK". Franeytown doesn't exist, and if it did, it would probably be in Colorado. Franeytown is actually a figment of my imagination, inspired by a friend - Mr. Jim Franey.

I've taken quite a few vacations with Mr. Franey; all of them out west. The usual vacation crew these days consists of myself, Franey, Dave, and Brent (Hello, Stalker). Often on these vacations someone will bring up the question of why we all bother to live in the plains states - a question we cannot answer.

After researching parks to visit on our last westward vacation, I struck upon the idea of having our own settlement... it all happened in an email to the group:

Anyway, I know there's plenty of national park options, but i thought i'd throw that out there too. i guess we all need to figure out why we're living in the middle of nowhere, when it's obvious that everything cool is out west. let's all migrate, and maybe start our own town, and we'll call it Franeytown, and I get to be the Attorney General, or something, and we'll all get city vehicles to drive, and maybe our town logo could be a bear riding a buffalo, or something cool like that. i want a chevy lumina with a bear riding a buffalo crest on the side. and a siren. and maybe a flashing blue light.

we need a motto too, if you guys get any ideas.

Dave had a motto idea immediately:

How about Franeytown - 50% of us try to pee on the floor.

That's another story... Franey responded:

I'm just gonna warn you a-holes that I may piss on the floor in our Vegas hotel. If there is no toilet paper in the morning then please do not ask any questions. Unless the restroom is carpeted then I will not be using the tp. Apparently, all of you have forgotten that it is now cool to piss on the floor. I've started a new american past time that is sure to replace baseball.

President
Franeytown

Later, Dave and I were trying to figure out where to go on vacation next, which lead to this conversation:

Anyway, I thought it was cool. Unfortunately they don't have any stops in Franeytown, but that's just because we haven't built the worlds largest bike ramp that goes over a cheeseburger stand yet. Or whatever other attractions you think will be good for Franeytown... we've got to make money somehow. Maybe a place where you can shoot paintballs at old ladies or something. Or a place where you can push old ladies in wagons down the worlds largest bike ramp that goes over a cheeseburger stand and then try to shoot them with paintballs... kinda like skeet shooting except with old ladies and wagons and cheeseburgers.

I'll put that on the agenda for the first townhall meeting, if that's ok with you guys.

Mike

Dave's Response:

Excellent idea for the attraction but we could go even grander! Franeytown 2: The country.

I've started making arrangements

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_300.html

and my final response:

I'm ok with this, as long as we claim that restaurant on the katy trail as part of franeytown country. Franeytown Country is a bad name for a country... I suggest "The Conderation of Franey-Inspired Localities"

Then we'll all get our own towns and localities, like mine: Bitten-In-Half, Crawfish.

Call John Cougar, we're gonna need a song to inspire the locals.

A bit later, when we were headed out to Vegas, I decided to print up some Franeytown City Council T-Shirts. I thought it would be a fantastic way to unleash some pent-up Franey-Fury.

Then I didn't bother with the T-shirts. There are some designs out there, though.

* * * * *

This isn't the first time my friends and I have conspired to create our own locality - perhaps later I'll write about the underground trailer guarded by pandas. Or the Canyons and apache helicopters. Or the time we jumped our Burros off Red Rock Canyon.